Ask most principals what keeps them awake at night and chances are it won't just be NAPLAN results or staffing shortages.
Increasingly, student wellbeing, school refusal, behaviour concerns, family distress and heightened parent expectations are now part of an intense daily balancing act that is taking a heavy toll on Australia’s school leaders.
As families face growing pressures of their own, schools are increasingly being called on to solve problems that sit well beyond the school gate, leaving Principals, teachers, and wellbeing teams carrying responsibilities that were once shared more broadly across the community.
Dr Jenny Brown is the founder of The Parent Hope Project and a family therapist with more than 40 years' experience who works closely with many schools and educators. Her latest book, ‘The Parenting Paradox: Loving Our Children by Giving Them Space to Grow’, offers a fresh perspective on how adult anxiety can travel between home and school.
Below, The Educator speaks to Dr Brown about the growing pressure anxious parenting is placing on schools, how leaders can avoid becoming the default fixer, and why shared responsibility matters more than ever.
TE: What does your research say about the interplay between anxious parenting and school leadership, and why has it become an issue for school leaders?
My research and clinical work point to a growing culture of anxiety around parenting that is increasingly spilling into schools. Parents and educators are both deeply invested in children’s wellbeing, but when anxiety rises, the focus can shift toward urgently “fixing” the child rather than helping adults manage themselves more thoughtfully. In my research with parents navigating child mental health systems, many described becoming highly dependent on outside experts for reassurance and direction, often at the expense of growing their own confidence and responsibility as parents. Writing The Parenting Paradox is part of my effort to help parents reduce anxiety, regain clarity, and strengthen thoughtful leadership in family life — something vital for improving children’s resilience and coping capacities. Schools are increasingly drawn into these pressures, creating significant strain for school leaders.
TE: We’re seeing that teachers and Principals are being asked to carry more of the wellbeing load. Drawing from your conversations with educators, what type of specific supports can make a meaningful difference?
Educators consistently tell me they need support that strengthens their capacity to stay calm, thoughtful and connected under pressure, rather than simply adding more wellbeing programs. In The Parenting Paradox, I write about the importance of taking an “I position” — focusing on what is within our own control rather than becoming consumed with trying to manage others. Burnout often grows when teachers and Principals feel responsible for regulating anxious parents or fixing every student difficulty. An “I position” might sound like: “This is what I can do to support your child, and this is what I’m not willing to do because we are committed to building resilience and responsibility.” Sustainable wellbeing starts with adults managing themselves thoughtfully under pressure.
TE: What are some effective ways that schools can support families without becoming the default ‘fixer’?
The healthiest schools communicate partnership rather than rescue. Schools can support families by listening carefully, offering guidance, and maintaining clear, compassionate boundaries around what sits within the school’s role. One of the most powerful shifts is moving from over-functioning for students and parents toward encouraging resilience, responsibility and problem-solving. This means resisting pressure to immediately remove every discomfort or solve every social difficulty for a child. Schools can also create opportunities for respectful face-to-face conversations with parents, reducing reactive email exchanges and misunderstandings. When schools focus on strengthening relationships, consistency and shared responsibility, they support families effectively without unintentionally reinforcing dependence on the school to “fix” everything.
TE: In practice, what do the healthiest parent-staff partnerships look like, and what are some key considerations for school Principals who are striving to build this into their school’s culture?
Healthy parent–staff partnerships are vital for children’s wellbeing because children thrive when the important adults in their lives work together with trust and shared purpose. As I write in The Parenting Paradox: “In the end, a strong parent–school relationship isn’t always about agreeing—it’s about shared purpose, respectful communication, and mutual trust. Children thrive when the adults around them model how to work together, even when things get hard.” The strongest partnerships are built through early relationship-building, calm communication, and clarity around shared responsibilities. Principals play a key role in shaping this culture by supporting staff boundaries, encouraging respectful parent engagement, and creating opportunities for connection before problems escalate.